Weight 7.8kg

Vet again.

The more visit to the vet, the more dejected, distress and negative both bb and me gets. We didnt managed to speak to a surgeon. Thats a missed. But we got the cost of surgery.  Estimated of 7k. 80% to pay upfront. Recovery stated low. Unknown. Three vet we ran together more and more money throw in, nothing new alternatives was given. Everything unsure. Fml.
Dont wanna put bb through the process of surgery. Til the best i can provide for his standard of living and quality of care, last resort is euthanasia.  Am i selfish?, bro friends debated with me. Of course hell yea i know bb is only 2 years old. Apart from finanacial issues, and no comfirmation of the success to bb conditions, im putting him at more risks and agony. Its not easy for me to say put him to sleep. I know my responsible of him as im the owner... but im trying my very best to accept the ugly truth of him permanently paralyze. For the best of him still able to have reflexes im having my hopes up for a miracle. But im commited in school/work. The time where bb will be left alone helplessly, prone to sores and etc. Its painful even more for me.
I dont want him to feel pain.
Bb already so attached with me due to the countless visit to the vet that he have separation anxiety. And tomorrow i have to report for my attachment. WHO CAN I TURN HELP TOO!!. Im fretting over by myself.
Im not ok everytime i tell bb its ok. And i know bb is not ok without me around. i cant trust bb in any other strangers hand, not even vet. I NEED A 100% COMFIRMATION.
Surgery or not.
Money where to get?
Lifestyles and living compromise.

Lkl

Too much for us.

Can tell you feel more comfortable after bathing.. but its was not what i predicted. I thought i could handle him myself bathing, but reality slap me on face. Everytime i see you pee on yourself, it feels like ive been tear into pieces. and to hear comments which i DONT wanna hear because of your insensitivity,  really plays my patience.  Cant help it buy lose it infront of 'guest'. But i cant be bothered much. Im just head on with it unless you want see me like really myself at my lowest point.
I already dont feel like talking or seeing anyone. Need a space just for bb and me. Because bb need rest, i need my time to adapt too.
Anyways back to bb.
Day 2 back from clinic his reflexes improves better than day 1. Just that he refuse his meds, but not worrying part yet, cause bb is strong and brave: ) his pain threshold is not at his worse from what ive seen. So its ok.
I like the fact that bb whines to ask me bring him to poop and pee this morning. In this case he will not be dremch in pee.
His appetites never decreased once home.. and i knew it home is better as its a familiar place for you, less stress.
Helping bb with ROM. Checking with his reflexes really 2-3 hours. I dont even need an alarm to wake during the night, because all my mind is filled with thoughts of bb, i need to turn him, no pressure sores, feed water etc. 
And now ive become more positive with him in recovery.
Bb jiayous!. We can pulled through.
Im with you. Rest more.

Every conversation makes me emotional, so please, refrain conversation about my dog. 

Lkl

Discharged

Relieved with dear looking after bb.
Bb is discharge lo!! Whether he could walk, i really duno. lets just pray for the best. Whatever it is im not giving away. Unless foster if they can afford bb treatments and surgery. But even surgery, i know the chance of recovery also slim, if it really is neuro problems. But bb still have nerves reflexes. We shall see.
Im stressing over the care of bb during my attachment.
Bb please get well like real soon. Your so quiet now, so not you.
Disappointed with the clinic thou. I doubt they turn and position bb.. cause bb fluffy hair was drowned in his pee. Lucky no sores.
And i already emphasize on the financial issues but they make it like a mandatory to seek for specialist..  CT scan may not even have a findings. ANd whats next after a CT, inx and surgery.. how to fork out the money. And, if it is nerves, dont they know? Spine nerves once dead its bloody difficult to reverse it?
Staying in your clinic for observatioN, i can provide too, except painkillers. Bb appetite is fine so far, so not an issue. Ill take care of him better than you guys. If theres no alternatives, i cant agree with current suggestions.
Painkiller i shall give when needed. TRamadol is too strong for him. And actually their drugs is the same as human, the way to manage i totally understands.
So lkl way for now.
Bb will feel better staying at home seeing me as well.

Bb shall get ample of rest today. 

Lkl

Hospitalised.

He was so healthy.
The clinic could not diagnose him. Leaving him with underlying problems. His condition deteriorating.  Cant you recover? Please no neuro problems.. freaking CT scan, how could i afford, its way out of budget. Not even talking about the consultation from a specialist. 
Sorry bb. He wanted to go home, but to come hard on the decision to hospitalised him, after the vet kept persuading. I hope you rest well bb. I will be back tomorrow for you.
I know that if theres no treatment its definitely irreversible condition. Thinking about him dragging himself for the rest of his life. Fuck me.
I dont mind to carry you for the rest of your life, but what should i do about your agony.
Any miracles?

Lkl

Worrying NPU.

Tried to bring bb to pu in the toilet.. but no urine.. to my shock and happiness on the way carrying him back to living room. He pooped again. Why no urine!! Going 15hours le.
Fed bb carrots, glad he likes it.. get more water from carrot since you refuse water.

Bb is tire.. saw his eyes closing but he open widely the next moment. Why you dont sleep?

Lkl

Exhausted

Bb is not even standing now. Literally drags himself when he tries to walk. he is not strong enough to drag his whole body either, in the end lay down exhausted,  whining.
14hrs of npu.

Lkl

Appetite back

He is eating his treats now..
Bb sitting on my lap everything looks so normal but withh all things items around us, its so stressful. I know its a reality. Gotten vet appointment time at 330? What else can i do for bb?
Still npu - 13hours. Constantly feeding water with syringe.
Bb still orientated. Just that sometimes his head uncontrol movements makes me worries.
His hyperventilation never stops. Temp latest take at 1130 is 38.1. Lungs sound clear. Hr 63. Still unable to stand. Leans towards right. Fall in less than 10secs. Tremors ongoing. No other medications on hand to be given.
Nsaids omitted. As vest says only once per day. Not much moaning in pain. Otherwise bb is ok.

Lkl

He pooped!

He poo a little laying down..
He refuses treat for the first time.
He not even excited to see his milk bone.
He lost appetite.
Waiting for him to pee.
Occasionally forcing him with water.
How am i able to leave him alone at home now?
Everytime i carry him, he moans a little. Poor boy. He refuses to sleep. Just laying down staring nothing.
*Folded incontinence sheet cause its wet. While feeding him water therefore looks unkempt.

Lkl

Hind leg whats wrong with you?

Getting too emotional down here... monitoring bb in progress.
I can used up one tissue box liao. The fear, thoughts, pain and ache in me reach limit. Broke when finally im alone with bb.
His conditions did not improved. I expected his painkiller injection to last til evening but it did not even past dawn. The vet prescribe a nsaids(meloxicam) to be given at 10pm, 24 hours apart from the injection, but i had to give at 5am. He started moaning at 3am. And now he couldnt stand. Both leg are in pain, weird positions, etc. I feel no edema. Whats wrong with you bb? I keep asking. No answer.
I kept seeing him struggling, sudden trying to sit up, moans.
He last pee was the day before around 11+pm. Usually morning 5+/6+ he would pee and shit. Sometimes not even morning he would pee too. But till now, no output.
Feeding him water bit by bit. So he wont dehydrate, but he refuses and definitely deprived of hydration.
We moved out from room to living room so i can cater to his ADLs more better. Trying to get him sleep as much as possible.
Pray. You need to be healthy, painfree, agonyfree, irritating, back to self, etc again. Im waiting.

Lkl

Heartache - ? #of the right leg

The moment we are out of lift, i knew it, you are not of your normal self.. Just sooo heartache seeing him fall liddat. I really cant imagine him being lame in the future. Just thinking only makes me tears. Came back from vet.. xray looks fine. Hopefully no complications. Painkiller injection received. Bb is resting now. Wobbly weak leg please be strong tomorrow. No more tremors. No more pain. No more falls. Every fall he made makes me so emotional. Im soooo sorry for not paying attention to you. Thought you could still walk and run, you will be fine. Im glad no visible fracture. Probably a sprain. And i hope its a minor sprain that its the cause of your wobbly leg. No underlying problems. Im afraid i cant dealt with it.
No more two legs walking, staircase, jumping, etc.  It shall all be in our memories. I want you to stay by my side healthy as long as possible.
Brave boy, not afraid of injection, high pain threshold. Takes after me. :) jk.
Let all this pass asap. First bb 'emergency' case. I named it the query fracture.

Lkl

Annual vac

So proud of lbb not afraid to take jab at all. Not even a twit when poke. So brave.
And today also mark mummy's last paper.. time to spend more timw together.. earlier on before vet gave the injection, bb temperature was 39.9. But back home checked its 38.3. Glad nothing happens. He seems fine just like previous year. Just fatigue. No reaction nor complications.. but i realise some rash appear.. i cant determine where the injection site so, shall continue to monitor. Weee.
Cant wait for bb to settle down and stop whinning when out. Let time to take its effect. And for now its time for bed.

Lkl

Best companion.

He never leaves me behind. Even when he is tired.. chionging my exam now a days staying up late. He too tried his best and hang around me. Ty bb.

Lkl

Cold season..

Cold season is here.. say hi to piggy.. lbb starts to put on pj again. 

Lkl